I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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