hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
