Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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