sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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