he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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