Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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