Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
