Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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