I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
