Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
