My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
