What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
