we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
