take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
