Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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