Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
