1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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