I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
