Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
