The maid of honor just puked.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
