I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
