She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
