yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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