I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You need a sexual gate keeper
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
