there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
