All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
