I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
