It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
