He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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