I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
