I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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