This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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