I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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