I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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