I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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