I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
