Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
