it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
