so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
