and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
