I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
