No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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