Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
