From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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