Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
