There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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