Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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