i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
