The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
