Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
my liver is dry heaving
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
