I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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