It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
