im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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