my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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