Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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