why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
