I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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