There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
