did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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