You're completely useless in the revolution.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
