Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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