I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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