Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
