i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
