I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
