Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Damn victory sex feels great
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
