She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
