I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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